fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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