her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
