I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
