I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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