You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
