broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
