i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I could make wine with my vomit
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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