she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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