if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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