Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
