Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
