a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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