Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
