We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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