are you still at the devil's house?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
