how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize