I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
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Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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