You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
