Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
