Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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