Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My ATM looks so different sober.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
