Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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