I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
