May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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