I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
