i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
