Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
