Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
