ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need a beard to bite.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
