umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He has the fingertips of a God
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