I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
