he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
