I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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