It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
