Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
