dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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