I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
