I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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