Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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