I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
