he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
