Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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