after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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