Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
