Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
