Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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