He kissed a someone with a penis
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
