thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
