doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
