So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs