god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
