was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.