you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.