what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
