Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol