he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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