I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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