things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
