just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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