Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
did you just send me my own nude
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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