I want to have your abortion
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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