i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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