Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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