the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
