I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
