Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
