Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
