I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
