Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
