i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
