thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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