U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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