As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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