I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
