I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
