and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.