i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
