so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
