i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
