please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
