Soap is not a condiment
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
