i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
