When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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