Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
