I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
