My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
