She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
