omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
