My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
