this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
