so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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