my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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