yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
