Where did you get a picture of my penis
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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