ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
