We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
