a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
