Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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